Nerds and N00bs
by Darth Tater
Summary: In which Merlin is a nerd snob, Arthur is in denial, and all it really takes to bring people together is a shared love of Lord of the Rings.


So I wrote started this while rereading LotR last fall and kinda fell in love with the idea of it bringing Arthur and Merlin together, because that's what it does.

I own Merlin. In season six they go on a routine three hour patrol to the Isle of the Blessed, but they lose their boat and spend the rest of the season almost getting back to Camelot but not quite because Arthur messes it up every time.

* * *

Merlin sat next to Arthur on the plush coffeehouse sofa, whereupon he saw his large dog-eared paperback book and sneered disdainfully. "Noob. Mine's better."

Arthur looked up, shocked that someone so clearly in a lower social circle was speaking to him like this. "Excuse me? I'm reading _this_, clearly for the umpteenth time, and you're calling me a noob?"

Merlin shrugged unrepentantly. "Well, yes. Mine is the red leather bound collector's edition. I also have it on my kindle since I can't just carry it around with me, because I'm not above reading every book ever on a mini computer."

"Wait, you have the red one? How much was it? I've always wanted one but it just seemed like such an endeavor when I already have copies. Dear lord I'm nerding out. You need to leave now." Arthur bodily shoved Merlin off when he saw his friends coming, knowing they would never let him hear the end of having a geek fest with the geek boy who made them look stupid all through school.

"I see how it is. Maybe I'll catch you later. Oh, and maybe you should be less ashamed of your friends seeing you nerd out and more ashamed of the fact that you've been reading _The Steward and the King_ for the past 30 minutes. It's my favorite chapter too, but you can't have them knowing you're a sap at heart, can you?"

Arthur hurriedly closed the book so his friends wouldn't see its contents, before realizing that chapter titles meant nothing to his less well read friends.

Not that they were stupid per se, they just lacked the patience and motivation to sit through a book about which the movie alone was four hours long. They accepted his intelligence, as long as he didn't address it or let them catch him in the act of reading anything more strenuous than a magazine.

By the time they'd finished their loud brief conversation and left him in peace, Merlin was long gone, leaving Arthur to finally move on to the next chapter, which now lacked appeal. Sighing, he grabbed his book and left, on edge and over stimulated from his interaction with someone who might possibly finally understand his deepest darkest secret: his closet nerdiness.

The next day saw Arthur on that same sofa with the same book in hand, hoping to have another conversation, however stilted, with the loser who had bothered to speak to him the day before. Sure enough, at 7 sharp when Merlin clocked out, he approached Arthur to yet again criticize his reading habits.

"So I could understand you dallying over the romantic chapter, because really, it's beautiful. But seriously, how long have you been reading, or not reading, that one page?" Merlin smirked knowingly, though in fact he had no idea what had prompted Arthur to set staring blankly at that page for so long.

"Do you not realize that you can't talk to me like that? You know who I am, right?"

"Yes. You're a prat who's too ashamed of his own interests to talk to the other people who share them, who's so terrified of his friends rejecting him that he bullies the people he should be hanging out with. Ring any bells?" Merlin, silently kicking himself, waited for the insult, the walking away never to return, any number of things he'd come to expect of the boy he'd known only vaguely since kindergarten.

"Wow, you're really bold. Guess I never saw that coming considering how I've only ever seen you sitting in the corner with your freakish friends. Did you finally ditch them for real people?"

"Evidently not. You know, this isn't high school. No one cares anymore who you sit with at lunch and whether you're in sports or choir. Get over it." Merlin stood and walked proudly out, his chin firmly in the air contrasting Arthurs dropped jaw.

Arthur brought his book and set it on his lap, but made no pretense of reading it this time. This time he just sat sipping his cocoa observing the patrons and employees, specifically Merlin. In case he didn't figure out that he wanted to talk.

"So you're back, are you? Did you get to the sad part of the book and give up?" Merlin gave him the sympathizing look one gives to a small child who doesn't understand sarcasm.

"Haha. Because I'm totally going to read through the other two monstrosities only to give up so close to the end of this one." Arthur took another sip of his drink, scalding the tip of his tongue just enough to distract him before he continued.

"I actually came to apologize. I, I was very rude to you yesterday. What you said yesterday about no one caring anymore – well, I realized you people never cared. It was us who cared whether we were seen with the," He paused, trying to find an inoffensive way to proceed, and gave up, "the losers. We were the insecure ones, not you." He fumbled and took a drink to keep his hands and traitorous mouth busy while he composed himself enough to go on.

"Of course, you're still a loser. I mean, what kind of a career are you looking at? Professional coffee roasting?" He said this with a friendly smirk so Merlin would know he was joking.

Merlin caught on but chose to take him seriously anyway. "No, I'm working here because I don't have a rich daddy to give me a job straight out of school. Some of us require more education than others to keep off the unemployed list." He didn't mean it to come out bitter and insulting, but it did.

"Uh, sorry, uh, uhm… I should just, go now. I mean, it's not your fault your father can give you opportunities, and… yeah. Bye." Once again Merlin left Arthur sitting confused and alone, though this time with less pride.

Merlin wasn't sure Arthur would come back after the harangue he received the day before, but come back he did. When Merlin got off work and came to 'their' sofa, Arthur was reading again, having passed the depressing part to the happy section before another depressing part.

"Evening or Morning?" Arthur asked suddenly, looking up from the page.

"Uhm… context? What's the point?" Merlin smiled nervously and sheepishly.

"Which one you prefer. Is the Evening or the Morning fairer?" he explained, gesturing downwards hoping Merlin would catch on.

"Oh. Definitely Morning then. I mean, what a bamf. She clearly wears the pants in the relationship." He responded like it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Really? I just find her kind of creepy. She's all, 'Ooh, look in the water, I'm gonna stare into your soul now.' Creeper. I'm an Evening kind of guy myself."

"Do I need to fetch an axe and axe you? Because I totally will." Merlin smirked, knowing he was forgiven for his outburst.

"It's not my fault you like grandmas. I will get a sword and fight for the Evening. So let's agree to disagree, k?" Arthur placated, only having so many options as they were both reading from the loosely worded scripts in their minds.

Merlin flopped down next to Arthur, coming very close to invading his personal space. "Ugh, I am so ready for it to be Friday. Longest week of my life, I swear." Merlin complained.

Arthur grunted non-committally, actually reading his book rather than staring off into space in its general direction. Merlin sensed his interest and started reading over his shoulder. Seeing a section suitable for comment, he began, "See? There the Morning is, being awesome again, offering him another chance even though he betrayed them like the ass-face he is. How can you possibly say no to that?" He waited for a response but received none, since Arthur was carefully tuning him out.

"Come on, talk to me! You can read any time, but spending time with me is a golden opportunity!" Merlin goaded, and proceeded to poke him mercilessly until Arthur snapped his book closed and stared at him with exaggerated attention.

"Okay, fine. I'm ready. Whine about your week. I don't care." Arthur expected his sarcasm to put Merlin off, rather than showing him it was a good idea to go on with his tale of woe. How wrong he was.

"So on Monday this huge prat comes into _my_ coffee shop, where he clearly doesn't belong, and has the nerve to sit on _my_ couch reading _my_ book like it's just the most natural thing in the world. And then he doesn't even have the good grace to leave, no, he just stays. All bloody week. This stupid jock thinks it's okay to turn out to be intelligent and actually read something more complex than _Sports Illustrated_, and now I can't ignore his beautiful shiny hair like I've been doing my whole damn life."

Merlin made as if to pause for breath, but ended with a resigned sigh, looking at Arthur expectantly for input on the hardships of his life. Arthur simply sat, a little shocked but more confused as to how to respond.

"How unfortunate for you. My week's been no walk in the park either. I thought I'd finally found a place where I could just read my stupid book without some hulking 'friend' hanging over my shoulder judging me for having an IQ over 80, when some freak loser from school actually starts talking to me. Like, we're on the same level or something. Then after that, he has the audacity to be witty, and funny, and be openly interested in the things I've always considered my guilty pleasures, and now I find it impossible not to notice his distractingly defined face, even though I've spent the past fifteen years looking anywhere else."

They remained there, awkwardly perched toward each other on the sofa, as they not so surreptitiously admired each other's more attractive features under the guise of politely focusing on the other's face in case they should speak. Both wishing for the moment to never end, but to end as quickly as possible. In the end, as in the beginning, it was Merlin who worked up the courage to stake a step forward instead of falling back into the comfortable familiar.

"So… got any plans for this weekend? My mum's claimed all of Sunday, but I'm free tomorrow afternoon if you want to grab a bite?" He offered/invited nervously, not wanting to come across as creepy and weird but wanting to proceed to a possible friendship with the man he'd only ever worshipped from afar. Finding him to be worth talking to in addition to worth staring at was something he had only ever fantasized about.

"I guess we could try that new pizza place just down on the corner? I hear they have this one with like a pound of meat if you're interested?" He tried to suggest this, but it came out as a question, the hot-shot desperately seeking the approval of the geek. The irony was not lost on Merlin, who was simply surprised the aforementioned hot-shot had noticed his obsession with meat, despite the fact he'd been extremely vocal about it for most of his life.

"So, tomorrow then. Do you wanna meet here at say, one, and then walk over?" Merlin finalized plans in a way that would allow him to save face in the event he was stood up. Though he didn't really think Arthur would do that, let alone to someone he'd known, however vaguely, for so many years, Merlin was always considering the ways other people could make him look stupid and how to avoid them. It's something you get used to when people think themselves above holding to appointments.

Twelve fifty five found Arthur waiting anxiously with a full cup of cocoa on their sofa and Merlin strolling into their spot as if he owned the place. Absentmindedly scanning the room showed him Arthur perched and fidgeting, so he forewent his usual coffee in favor of calming his oddly freaked out friend.

"Arthur? You okay there? Did your pet rock die?" he joked trying to ask what was wrong without probing.

"Merlin! I got here early so you wouldn't think I ditched you but then I kept waiting and you seem like you're usually crazy punctual so I thought you'd be here earlier and I guess you're still early but then I thought maybe you ditched me since you're obviously perfectly comfortable with everything and I'm a nervous wreck who can't even admit what he does in his spare time and I don't even know why I bought this if we're eating lunch but if you didn't show I didn't wanna look stupid…" he trailed off and forced himself to take large shaky breaths.

Merlin sat a little too close on the sofa but not as close as either would have liked, and stole a sip of his friend's beverage.

"You bought this because you knew I'd want some when I got here. I appreciate you being here early so I wouldn't think you abandoned me, but it would be really silly for me to ditch you considering it was my idea. I'm comfortable with everything because I've learned to be that way. You can do it too, it just takes time. Baby steps, yeah? Let's go eat lunch. Just as mates. Not as drama nerd and star athlete, just Merlin and Arthur."

Arthur listened intently as though his sanity depended on Merlin still wanting to be around him, and closed his eyes for a minute before responding.

"Yeah. Baby steps. I can do that. Just Arthur." He finally met Merlin's eyes, and smiled a little, nervous but no longer panicking.

Slightly awkward small talk and half a pizza later, Merlin and Arthur finally found something else to talk about than a single shared interest. Namely, a passion for anything audio, leading to comparisons of on-person headphones and musical tastes and a natural flow of conversation for the next two hours spent in the corner.

It was Arthur who realized this first. "Wow, we've been here for like three hours. Think maybe we should leave?" He was wondering why they hadn't gotten kicked out yet, unlike Merlin who had understood the kind of establishment they were in upon walking in.

"I guess, although we're fine here I think. We're not causing any problems and it's not as if this place is hopping and needing all their tables." Indeed it would become known as a dive suitable for staying long over one's welcome without issue.

They left anyway, Merlin walking with Arthur to his car in order to finish the conversation they were having.

"Hey, so…" Arthur started with his usual eloquence, "Um, can I have your number?" He rushed out ending with a not-quite wince at his question. Merlin only laughed a little, since it was the kind of question that sounds weird no matter how you ask it.

"Sure. Gimme your phone and I'll text myself." Merlin not only texted himself, but after a tiny internal battle entered in his own number under "Most Magnificently Molestable Merlin". He said his goodbye before walking to his apartment nearby, wondering how soon it was acceptable to text him without looking clingy.

Fortunately, Merlin didn't have to agonize over acceptable texting timing for too long, since Sunday was too busy to even think and Monday he saw him in person anyway. As was becoming normal, Merlin clocked out after his shift and took his coffee to their sofa where Arthur was again reading. For real again.

"You do realize just how gay it sounds to describe yourself as molestable, right?" Arthur asked without looking up, memorizing the page before closing his book.

"You do realize just how gay I am, right?" Merlin responded with brows slightly furrowed, not having predicted that it would come as a surprise to Arthur. It clearly did based on his impeccable impression of a fish out of water.

"Really? I mean, that's cool, but really? No shit?" Arthur's tongue seemed to swell to the size of the grapefruit and his vocabulary disappear in the wake of the barrel rolls his stomach was doing. He wanted desperately to explain that they were playing for the same team, but his brain had gone home for the day.

"You okay there? Look, I actually have some errands to run, so see you tomorrow I assume? Do you think in that time you can learn how to conduct yourself like a civilized member of society?" With that Merlin patted the top of his head and walked out, hoping Arthur's shock had been excitement rather than disgust.

Arthur tried to text Merlin the next evening, but realized his lack of response was probably due to a silenced phone rather than a lack of desire to talk. He resigned himself to actually going down there again, but first had to tidy his place and change clothes about five times to make sure he sent the right message to say "fuck me" without saying "I'm a whore" or "I'm making fun of you" or "I'm coming on way too strong, run away".

He hoped he'd managed it, because when Merlin sat down he was unusually silent in favor of staring.

"Hey do you wanna watch a movie or something? Since I don't seem to understand half of your references I thought maybe we could go back to mine and fix that." He tried and failed to suggest this as if it made little difference in his life, but Merlin couldn't see that past his own excitement.

"Um, yeah, I actually have most of them if we wanna run by my apartment to pick one up first. If you want, I mean it'd be cheaper than renting it."

Merlin almost told Arthur to wait in his car, but was unsure as to how long he'd be and had to invite him in. Of course his roommate Leon was sprawled across the floor as was his norm, but he rearranged cooperatively for them to step over him.

By the time they found a suitable selection and made it back to Arthur's apartment they could barely breathe for laughter at his antics. Merlin told Arthur multiple times that Leon just enjoyed flopping on the floor and wasn't on drugs, but Arthur insisted on acting out multiple scenarios that ended with Merlin's normally uptight co-worker collapsed in a stupor.

What was intended as Arthur's film education morphed into Merlin making Stargate cracks every time Inara or Kaylee walked on screen and Arthur singing about everyone being heroes in their own way. So when that film finished they had to put in another one to get them on the same page with references, and then plan a Stargate marathon to initiate Arthur. Because, as Merlin said, it was a crime for him to have not seen a show with the word 'star' in the name after he'd seen Star Wars and Star Trek.

This really meant that their daily coffee shop meetings turned into daily iPad based Stargate viewings. And Arthur was still no closer to Merlin's pants.

It was after a further two weeks of this, (and countless interactions between Arthur's foot and mouth), that he finally bit the bullet and invited Merlin back to his intending their relationship to either go backward or forward, because the standstill was killing him. Not that he had stopped to consider whether Merlin even knew he liked men.

"So, I definitely just got the coolest new coffee table, and you have to come see it. Like now." He had purchased it immediately following the first time Merlin was there, so it was new to him. And a great excuse. Probably.

"…sure? I do find furniture pretty exciting after all." Merlin said, simultaneously sarcastic and sincere. He got the feeling he was missing something due to the questionably reasoned invite, but who was he to argue?

Ten minutes and an awkward car ride later saw Arthur ushering Merlin inside almost formally. He pointed to the center of the room at the cleared and cleaned table. "See? Table. It's cool right?" He stood waiting for a response, trying to build his nerve but terrified to speak.

"Um, yes? It's nice?" Merlin answered and then stared at Arthur, waiting on him say something proving he was over the age of 10.

Arthur opened his mouth, took a deep breath, and spit out in a rush, "Will you go out with me?" He stood watching Merlin for some reaction and could discern none.

Merlin's mouth fell open rather than being purposefully opened while he took a gasping breath and spit out on an exhale, "Hunh?" _Arthur just asked me out. Arthur wants to date me. Arthur likes boys. Arthur likes me. I like him a lot. _His head did a funny circular nodding thing while he was torn between shaking it in astonishment and nodding in agreement, and only left Arthur more confused and nervous than before.

When Arthur heard Merlin finally give him a Yes he allowed himself to breathe again, deeply to restart his heart. "Yes." He parroted, not sure where to go from there. He had spent so long getting to that point that there was no room in his head left to plan afterward.

Merlin, on the other hand, had considered in detail where to go with Arthur alone in his apartment. And they went there. Repeatedly.

And if years later Arthur's cheap tattered copy of Lord of the Rings held a place of honor next to Merlin's pristine collector's edition, most people didn't question it. Those who did only got soft smiles as answers, and those who had the misfortune to ask with both Arthur and Merlin in the room got an eyeful of adorably loving (soppily disgusting) gazes exchanged.


End file.
